


parting song

by skrsgards



Series: Bill Skargård Works [17]
Category: Bill Skarsgard - Fandom
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 08:39:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16678261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skrsgards/pseuds/skrsgards
Summary: in which you're forced to say goodbye one dark and early morning





	parting song

It was early.

Or maybe it was late. He wasn’t quite sure, really. But what he was sure of, was that he wanted to go back to bed. The mattress he’d just slipped away from was still calling his name, the still-warm sheets were inviting and he was tempted to go right back to sleep.

The best part about that bed, and those warm covers, was that there was someone there. The warm body of a lover, his lover. He didn’t want to leave you. In fact, it was amongst some of the hardest things he’d had to do. And each time he had to leave, it only got worse.

No, he didn’t want to leave you, but he had no choice.

You were still curled up beneath those covers, sound asleep and so at peace. He stood there a moment, taking in your sweet face, wishing he could have you with him at all times and never be apart. But he knew patience was key here. All he had to do was wait it out, for soon, he’d be able to take you with him every time he left. And he simply couldn’t wait.

Right now you were both so busy. His schedule hadn’t left much breathing room as of late, and neither had yours. You made it work, though, because you loved each other and were determined not to let anything push you apart. But soon, the days of emotional goodbyes and time apart would be over. You’d been talking about it for months now. You were going to leave your full time job very soon. You’d worked there for years, long before you’d met Bill. And you loved it, you really did. But it was time for that chapter of your life to end.

In its place, a new chapter was to begin. You’d decided, together, that it was time to start a family. This was something you both wanted, and always had. The knowledge of it being so close, though, suddenly made it very real. This was happening, you were going to fulfill the dreams you had, you were going to bring precious little babes into the world, and while you were a little scared, you were still so incredibly excited.

But for now, all you could do was wait patiently, and endure with the lot you were currently being dealt.

Indeed, the hour was early. Or, late. Bill still couldn’t decide. You, on the other hand, had decided it was early. Much to early to be awake. But for him, you’d do anything. Even if it meant getting up at some odd hour of the morning to say goodbye to him.

You woke to the sound of drawers opening. Bill was across the room, trying his best to rifle quietly through the dresser in search of a pair of underwear before his shower. You rolled over, squinting as you looked at him. With soft groans and a stretch of your muscles, you sat up. Bill heard this, and he turned, taking in the sight of your bed head and sleepy eyes.

He smiled softly. “Go back to bed, babe. I’m just taking a shower.”

“Mm, no,” you murmured, stifling a yawn as you threw back the covers and stood. You grabbed your robe from the bedpost, pulling it on to give yourself some warmth before you shuffled over to him. He was still in his sleep clothes, which wasn’t much at all, just a pair of basketball shorts. His hair was messy, and his eyes were puffy from lack of proper sleep. 

“Good morning,” you finally spoke, and he leaned down to kiss you as you said this. 

“Morning.”

“Want some coffee?”

“Want? More like need.”

At that, you giggled softly. “I’ll make it while you’re in the shower.” And so you did.

You headed to the kitchen, flipping on the light before you began getting the coffee pot situated, knowing exactly how Bill liked his coffee. He was a coffee snob, as you always jokingly called him. Two tablespoons of grounds per six ounce, no more, no less, and filtered water, never from the tap. Despite thining it was a little silly, you’d learned to make it for him anyway, because you loved him and wanted to take care of him, even in small ways like that.

You searched the cabinets for a commuter mug, knowing he’d need something to take on the go with him. After you’d taken care of that, you set about getting his last minute things together. His wallet, coat, and shoes you placed near the front door, so he wouldn’t be looking for them as he was leaving. Then, you flipped on the front porch so he’d be able to see when he stepped outside into the still dark morning.

Then, back to the bedroom you headed, suppressing the shiver that had begun to run through you as the morning chill set in. Bill was still in the shower, so you set out his clothes for him, which he’d forgotten to do the night before, and then you placed his favorite cologne right next to the outfit. As you climbed back onto the bed, Bill emerged from the bathroom, hair wet and body clothed only in a towel. You were quiet as you watched him get ready. The mood was somber, as it usually was before he had to leave.

“Do you have everything?” You softly asked. You knew he did, he was accustomed to packing for traveling. 

“I think so,” came his reply.

You began listing things off anyway. “Deodorant?”

“Check.”

“Toothbrush?”

“Check.”

“Underwear?”

At that, he managed to crack a grin. “Yes, Mom.”

You both laughed, though it soon grew quiet again, and Bill continued getting ready. He had a long plane ride ahead of him, one that he was not looking forward to in the least. In fact, he was dreading the whole trip. He’d never minded traveling, really. And he still didn’t, but there was a difference between then and now. Then, he didn’t have anything holding him back. He came and went as he pleased, he lived out of a suitcase without a fixed abode. He stayed wherever, crashed on friends’ couches and in their guest rooms, stayed with a brother, or settled in a hotel.

Now, he had a home, and he had a wife, and responsibilities that needed his attention. Finding balance wasn’t as easy as he’d thought it would be, but you both made it work. You had to.

Several minutes passed then. You were still sitting on the bed, knees pulled to your chest, watching Bill as he pulled on some jeans and adjusted his belt, as he pulled a sweater on and stopped to put on socks, as he paused and let out a sigh because he knew the clock was ticking and he’d have to leave, leave you, soon.

You saw it, the visible drop in his shoulders. You heard it, the soft sigh, and a lump began to tighten in your throat, an unsettling churning to life in your stomach. You hugged your knees a little tighter, and willed yourself not to cry. It was ridiculous to cry, you thought. He wasn’t going to be gone as long as he’d been at different times in the past. Just a few weeks, you could handle that.But ever goodbye was just as hard as the last, and no matter how long he was gone, whether it be three weeks, or three months, you always missed him terribly.

In a weak attempt to keep yourself from succumbing to the tears threatening to fall, you cleared your throat, and spoke up. “When…when does your plane land?” You asked.

“11 PM,” he muttered, clearly unenthused about the long day before him. 

“Oh.”

Silence again. You were still on the verge of tears, and the dread of saying goodbye was hanging heavy over your head, like a storm cloud, Bill was focused on combing his hair, making sure he at least looked a little presentable, though his exhaustion was evident on his face. He glanced at you in the mirror, and noticed your glossy eyes and quivering lip you were trying so hard to hide.

Upon seeing you on the verge of tears, he himself nearly started crying. In vain, he chalked it up to being sleep deprived, but he knew even if he was well rested he’d still cry too. He set his comb down, and turned towards you. “Sweetheart,” was all he said, and the tears began to fall freely from your eyes.

He rushed to you, taking a seat on the mattress. The moment he was seated, you were climbing into his lap, arms encircling his neck as you buried your face against his chest. “I shouldn’t be crying,” you said, though it was muffled against his chest and sounded more distorted than anything.

Bill gently pulled you back resting his hand against the side of your face. “What did you say?”

“I shouldn’t be crying.” An involuntary sob came out, and you pushed your face into his chest again, frustrated with yourself. 

His hand was against your back rubbing slow circles. “There’s nothing wrong with crying.”

“B-but it’s not like I’m never gonna see you again,” you reasoned. “I have no reason to cry.”

“It’s still hard.” His voice had grown a little deeper, clouded with emotion. His hand was in your hair now, smoothing over the strands. He swallowed hard, closing his eyes. “I hate leaving you.”

You held him a little tighter, and he could feel your shoulders shake as you cried. It made his heart ache, listening to you whimper and sniffle against his chest. Oh, how he wished he could make it better.

He left kisses on the top of your head, trying to comfort the both of you as he spoke again. “Just a little while longer,” came his whisper, “this’ll all be over and you can come with me wherever I go.”

You moved to press your face against the side of his neck, running kisses over the skin. Another bout of silence settled upon you, and you just sat there, wrapped around Bill, taking in the feeling of his body pressed against yours. He began gently rocking you from side to side. The comfort of his arms, his touch, was enough, and had always been enough, to make you feel safer than you’d ever felt before. His sweet warmth protected you from the harshness of the outside world.

He was there, rubbing your back and soothing your cries. Running a hand through your hair and lips over any exposed skin. You were so soft, the kind of softness that comes with sleepiness. Your body was conformed to his, fitting him like a piece to a puzzle. He didn’t want to let go, never. The only sounds to be heard then were your sniffles and the tick of the old, cliche grandfather clock that resided in the living room. Soon, the clock would strike, just as if always did every hour. And soon, he’d be gone.

Bill tightened his gasp on you again, burying his face in your neck, and there you continued to sit, tangled together, neither wanting to break apart. You could feel his heartbeat against your chest, which was bare under your robe. You wished, for a moment, that you were both naked, skin to skin. But there was no time for that.

And then, his phone vibrated, signaling that his ride had arrived. Bill sighed, unsteadily so. When he pulled back, you saw the tears that had streaked down his rosy cheeks. You wiped them away with your fingers and cupped his face in your hands. “I love you so much,” you declared.

His own larger hands rested upon your own. “I love you too, sweetheart.” Neither of you had anticipated this goodbye to be so terribly emotional, yet here you were, both a mess, unwilling to let go of one another. But you had to.

Bill’s lips were on your own then, soft and warm and familiar. He kissed you deeply, longingly, holding you closer. When you pulled away, you were both gasping for breath. “I have to go.”

You whined, much like a child, and held him just a moment longer. Then you kissed him again, and ever so gently, he peeled you off of him. As he stood, you followed suit, attempting to pull yourself together before you followed him out of the room. You busied yourself with making sure he had everything. While he put his shoes on, you poured his coffee and set it on the counter to grab. While he put his jacket on, you idly straightened his suitcase. And while he approached you to give you one last goodbye kiss, you cried again.

He kissed you tenderly, and whispered the promise of, ”I’ll see you soon,” before he was leaving, heading out the door with a sad smile and a wave. And then he was gone, and you were alone, and the tears fell freely still.

But it was going to be okay, you knew. You’d see him again, and this time apart would be a thing of the past, nothing but a memory. And that was enough to get you through it all.


End file.
